Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found your dick twin last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
