Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
