No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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