Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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