Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
