she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
