I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just pee around me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
