I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
