Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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