I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
