I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
