Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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