I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
