im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
