well you can't waste a boner
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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