I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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