we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
