It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The air was thick with penises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
