Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
