So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
