We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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