i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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