i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
