someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was like eating out sand paper
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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