My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
