Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
