I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
