He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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