his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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