I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
