i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
