you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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