my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
