I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
