What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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