so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
