not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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