1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
