is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
