there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
