the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every concussion has its silver lining
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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