he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
