There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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