the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
