If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
