If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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