I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
