She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
