in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
