I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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