Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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