Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
