I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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