I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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