Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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