You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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