you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
