we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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