Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
