see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
