Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize