This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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