You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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