I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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