It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
