Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize