If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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