the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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